I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
