He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
