Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
