All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
