So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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