if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
third nipple confirmed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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