Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
