Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
