why didn't you poke me back
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
