Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
