if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
