i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
