Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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