Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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