i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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