You smell like stripper and shame
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it penis luge time yet?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize