wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
