I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
