She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
