New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
