I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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