They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
