Don't you send me to vm
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We are two peas in an std pod
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
