I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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