last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
