oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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