If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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