well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
