dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
