I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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