also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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