atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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