If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize