dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
