I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
