I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
