yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
