not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
