Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
