Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
