you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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