Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
