You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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