Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
