singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
