my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
