I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize