Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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