And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
