Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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