Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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