So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize