My Higher Power is John Stamos
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
