I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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