just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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