i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
