Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
