your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
