sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
