I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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