it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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