How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
