I'm gonna have a badass scar
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she peed on how many people?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
