You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
