I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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