He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize