i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
