Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
