just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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