Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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