your room smells of hookers.
And success
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
